From the collection Between Thoughts

Zohar Leo Palffy de Erdod

There are topics I return to again and again—not because I know the answers, but because they continue to live within me, never letting go. Desires are one such topic. They seem to breathe their own life, come to the surface, disappear, change, break us, save us, lead us somewhere we would not dare to go ourselves.

Sometimes I think that a person consists precisely of their desires — not of their biography, not of their habits, not of their decisions. But of those inner movements that no one else can see. And if we listen to them honestly enough, we can hear not just what we want, but who we are.

1. Desire as an internal crack

Every “I want” is an admission of emptiness.

When there is a lack of love, a desire to be seen is born.

When there is a lack of security, a craving for control appears.

When there is a lack of silence, we begin to search for meaning wherever there is even a hint of peace.

Desire is a wound that has not yet healed.

But it is through this wound that movement enters us.

2. The ancient that lives within us

We are accustomed to considering our desires complex, individual, almost intellectual.

But if we lift this cultural layer, we will find very old bones — instincts.

Survive.

Not be rejected.

Find your pack.

Leave a mark.

To escape pain.

And our entire “adult” life is an attempt to beautifully package these ancient impulses.

3. Desires that have been imposed on us

There are desires that look like ours — but they don’t smell like them.

We strive for what society considers right: success, prestige, comfortable dreams.

We want what those around us want — not because we need it,

but because it makes it easier to explain our own lives to ourselves.

And then one morning, a person realizes:

they are not living their own desires, but someone else’s.

This realization can be painful —

but without it, it is impossible to start living honestly.

4. True desires do not shout

The quietest impulses are the truest.

They are barely audible, they demand nothing, they do not threaten, they do not bargain.

They just gently turn your attention: “look here… try it.”

These desires almost always lead to places that are scary.

But also to where the present is.

5. The path to oneself passes through desires

A person moves not toward objects, but toward their own wholeness.

We don’t want things, status, or victories —

we want to feel whole.

Every desire is an attempt to fill what

once broke inside us.

That is why, when we achieve what we desire,

it ceases to be important.

Not because we are ungrateful.

But because searching is our nature.

6. The deepest desire

At the core of the human soul is not passion, ambition, or fear.

At its core is the desire for inner harmony.

The desire to be oneself without distortion.

So that the “I” stops arguing with itself.

So that the voice inside is no longer a dozen voices at once.

So that a person can breathe freely — not externally, but internally.

We all want one thing:

to be whole.

7. As long as we want, we are alive

It is not desire that is frightening.

It is its disappearance that is frightening.

The silence within a person can be wise,

but it can also be a sign

that life has gone too deep and no longer beats in the chest.

Desire is the breath of the soul.

Even if it is mistaken.

Even if it leads us astray.

Even if it causes pain.

As long as you want, you continue to be.

Conclusion

I continue to write these chapters not to provide answers.

Answers are boring and quickly fade away.

But questions… questions live longer than we do.

If you feel that these thoughts resonate with you,

stay, stay close.

Here, between the words, sometimes that very space is born

where each of us can see our true “I want” for the first time.

And if you have something to say, write it down.

Your words can change the direction of the next pages.